Archive for the ‘Articles’ Category
15
Apr
Written by Dave on April 15th, 2008
Okay. Here You Are.
Searching for your lady fair, across the cyber-plains of the online dating world. (Wow, that doesn’t look nearly as poetic on the screen as it sounded in my head.) But, just as in the “real” world of dating, there are some things that men do that just seem to tick women off. We’re going to try to help you avoid those things. And before you decide to track me down and beat me up, you should know that there is an article, just like this one, for the women.
First, regardless of what they say about sensitivity, women really do want a strong, confident man. The problem some men have, is recognizing the difference between strong and confident, and arrogant and overbearing. (The second two are bad.) Women like a man who knows who he is, what he wants, and how to go after it. They’re not, however, interested in having someone to make their decisions for them. They won’t be bullied or controlled. Not for long, anyway.
In an online relationship, where your conversations are mostly read from a computer screen, some things that might sound clever, or even funny, in another setting, could come off as sarcastic or rude. Let your personality and your sense of humor shine, but be careful not to sound acerbic or uncaring.
While she may secretly wonder about your physical attributes, if you tell her, she will be repulsed. In most online dating forums, offering an evaluation of your physical “manliness” would be, at best, looked on as vulgar. For a woman, the term sleazebag would almost certainly come to mind. Besides, you might not be as impressive as you think, and wouldn’t it be embarrassing to learn that at an inopportune moment, after your relationship has progressed? That is, if she decided to overlook your crass behavior in the first place.
So, Let’s Talk Ta Ta’s
The same can be said for inquiries regarding size, when it comes to her physical attributes. Women are as vain as any human being, and they appreciate being admired for their physical attractiveness, but asking her in an email if she has a great rack is not likely to score you many points. In fact, a discussion of sizes of anything is probably better left for a time when you know each other much better. Early on, if you want her to know that you’re tall, that’s probably okay. As long as it’s true.
If you’re a brain surgeon, it’s perfectly reasonable to include that in your profile, and to tell her that in online meetings. If you sell cars, that too is an altogether respectable occupation. If you sell cars, and you tell her that you’re a brain surgeon, guess what – you’ve screwed up again. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose, by misrepresenting yourself in an online relationship.
If You’re Looking For a One Night Stand
You’re going to way too much trouble. It’s easier to find in a bar. Even so, there are plenty of sites that cater to those needs, like SexyAds and Adult Friendfinder. But if you’re looking for a serious and lasting relationship, you won’t get there by lying about who you are. Someday, she’ll want to sit in the spectator’s gallery and watch you fix someone’s brain, and you probably won’t get out of that one by offering her a good deal on a Toyota.
Don’t approach an online dating site like you’re sitting at an online blackjack table. This is not a competition. Theoretically, you’re looking for someone to have a significant relationship with. If she feels like you’re bound and determined to “take her home” no matter what, she’s likely to find you a little bit creepy. Maybe even scary.
Keep it light, friendly, and don’t ask for too much personal information too early on. A woman will take a little longer to reach the comfort level necessary to start handing out maps to her house. Be interested, and conversational, and give her the lead in controlling the pace of the personal exchange.
And again, contrary to some conventional wisdom, women DO like to be treated like the fairer sex. They don’t want to be patronized or condescended to, but they like to be treated with courtesy and respect. While you may not be able to hold the door open for her in an online meeting, you can avoid treating her like one of the guys from work that you drink a few beers with.
Show an Interest in What She Has to Say.
Be responsive and communicative. That particular cliché is true. Women HATE it when they think you’re not listening. So respond, even when her statement didn’t seem to require a response.
Since you’ve probably seen her online photo, say something complimentary about her hair, or her eyes, or her smile. Everyone enjoys being flattered, and no one enjoys it more than a woman. But again, a caution here about coming off as lewd or boorish. They may want you to notice some things, but it creeps them out if you talk about them.
Finally, Be Realistic About Who You Are.
And who you should be looking for. If you’re fat, bald, and fifty, there are plenty of online dating sites where you’ll find someone who will consider those particular traits endearing, and who will love you for who you are.
But if you charge into a dating forum filled with beautiful twenty year-old women, you’ll only alarm the girls and embarrass yourself. Unless maybe you’re a brain surgeon.
Now you’re ready. Take the leap and Go For It!
14
Apr
Written by Dave on April 14th, 2008
In Love With A Movie Nut?
If so, then you know they would rather watch a favorite movie than do just about anything else. Movies are great entertainment, and there’s always something for everyone: love, hate, action, foreign language, and horror to name just a few. For the movie buff, watching a good motion picture is like drinking a fine wine. If your online love is also in love with movies, here are a few appropriate gift ideas.
Favorite Movies On DVD
We all love to see the latest blockbuster, but if your online mate is a REAL movie buff, they will probably have a favorite director or film genre. Go online, or to your local DVD store, and find just the right collection or boxed set to scratch their movie “itch.”
These almost always come complete with bonus DVD’s with extra footage and commentaries by the actors, writers, or directors. Now, they can watch their favorites as many times as they want without the $6 popcorn. They can pop their own.
Movie Gift Subscription
Online rental companies, such as Netflix, offer the opportunity to have three, four, or more movies in your house at all times. After you watch one, you exchange it for another, for one flat monthly fee, with no due dates and no late charges.
BLOCKBUSTER Total Access has improved on this concept by allowing you to exchange your DVDs by mail, postage free, OR in any local Blockbuster store. You can give your movie buff a Blockbuster Total Access gift subscription for as little as $9.95 for the first month. They even have a two-week free trial offer.
Movie Theater Gift Certificates
Every movie theater offers gift certificates for their movie fans. These gift certificates function like cash so they can be used for snack bar items also. When your movie lover is short of cash for the latest thriller, he can use your gift to finance an evening at the multiplex. You can also give movie tickets online, for almost any theater in the U.S. from $10 and up at Fandango.com
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Movie Snack Gift Basket
A movie is not the same without a snack to enjoy. Give him or her a basket filled with all their movie favorites: Jujubes, Mike and Ikes, Milk Duds, and Goobers. With popcorn and Junior Mints in hand, watching a movie at home will be just like a seat in the theater. Try your creative hand, and build it yourself, or have something fun conveniently delivered from The Popcorn Factory or Just Because Baskets.
Home Audio System
One of the best things about many movies is the sound. It could be the music that makes us sad, or maybe the spine-jarring metal on metal screech of the train slamming into the car.
Either way, sound is a big part of the movie, and if you’re looking to spend a little extra, adding a Bose audio system to your home theater experience can bring that sound to life just like in a movie theater. Can’t afford a Bose system, no problem. You can choose from dozens of home theater systems at all price levels, so you’re sure to find one that works for your budget.
Wall Mounted or Big Screen Television
A normal television screen just won’t do for the movie fan. With a big-screen flat panel TV, the home movie experience is almost like being in the theatre. So, if you’re ready to let go of the big bucks, stores like Circuit City and Best Buy have sales on their televisions all the time. You can also find some extremely good buys online, at places like Amazon.com. Surprise the movie lover in your life with a new screen to view his or her movies on. This will surely be a gift they won’t be expecting.
Favorite Movie Memorabilia
Does your movie buff have an absolute favorite film of all time, or a favorite Hollywood era? Get them a piece of movie memorabilia from that film or era. You can find everything from replicas of The Maltese Falcon statue, to the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. It may take a while to find the one piece that is just right for your movie fan, but they will never forget your thoughtfulness and originality.
The Gift of Shared Interest
We all have our special interests and nothing delights us more than someone who shares that interest with us, and goes out of their way to make it even more enjoyable. You don’t have to BE a movie nut to appreciate one. Your cinematic gift of love is a romantic gesture not soon to be forgotten.
While you’re looking for movies to give, take a peek at:
“25 Romantic Movies Worth Watching More Than Once,” a list by Charles Cordova.
Or visit http://valianthearts.com/movies
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
Heads up, gents. Online dating can open up entirely new avenues of opportunity. With a little attention to some real-world dating tips, you can spice up your online matchmaking. Give some thought to these ideas.
Looks Count
Everyone, male or female, has an ego. Make a comment about how attractive she is. Yes, women do want to know they’re pretty, even when they’re online, and you can’t see them, and don’t have a clue. So, in your conversations, ask leading questions that would help you know, but in a totally uncreepy way, like – how do you wear your hair? And then say how attractive that must look. We’re all chumps for a compliment, even one that comes from a guess.
Courtesy Counts
Try to pick up on the nice things about her, and then find an opportunity to point them out; nice things she has mentioned, kind acts she has done, good things she has told you about her family. Be upbeat. Ignore the lemons, and talk about the lemonade.
Observe conventional internet etiquette. Avoid typing in ALL CAPS. It is considered shouting. Keep swearing, crude language, and unkind remarks out of your communications. As in all other walks of life, treat your online friends the way you would like to be treated.
So, with a nod to some helpful real-world tips that work, at least most of the time, your online dating experience can be exciting, fun, and even romantic. Keep it positive and friendly, and remember the lemonade.
http://valianthearts.com
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
If your date and you are still sometimes stumped for something to do together online, here are a couple of suggestions that might help in a pinch. Two of the most popular online activities, currently, are sharing recipes and bidding at auctions.
Both of these can easily fit well into an online dating opportunity. To get better acquainted online, when things are somewhat new, and you’re still learning the basics about each other, here’s what many potential cyber-dates do.
Share Recipes – People get tired of talking about the weather, or sports, so it’s natural for the subject to turn to food. Sharing favorite foods and recipes helps break the ice and even forms friendships over culinary skills, or a lack thereof, and tastes. Consult your favorite search engine for “free recipes” to share. Take photos of your culinary creations and share them with your date, too.
Bid at Auctions – Ebay, and other online auction sites, sell just about anything you can think of! The is an auction category and subcategory to suit any interest, no matter how unique. So surf around together, and enter fun searches, like you did with friends in middle or high school.
Share cool memorabilia photos of old games and toys from when you were a child, or when your parents or grandparents were little; The Dating Game, Oscar Mayer wiener whistles, The Partridge Family Album, Bobby Sherman’s Album, 45’s and more.
Online dating can be an educational and fun experience. So learn more about each other and have fun while you’re at it. Take a cyber-stroll down memory lane together, and see what’s cookin’.
http://valianthearts.com
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
All types of everyday activities are growing in popularity online these days, like sharing everything from photos and greeting cards, to poetry and short stories. In fact, all of these can go hand in hand with online dating, another very popular, and fast-growing, activity for singles today.
Before actually meeting face-to-face, many dates get acquainted online first. Here’s how a lot of them go about it.
Photos – As a wonderful keepsake of your budding romance, create an online photo album for your new cyber-mate. Include digital photos of favorite outdoor fun, pets, flowers, cars, silly moments, your computer corner or laptop. You’ll have even more to discuss during online dates via email and chat rooms. Search online for “photo albums” to find places where you can upload and store your photos. Then your online partner can visit your creation.
Greeting Cards – Regardless of where a person lives, you can always mail a greeting card. If privacy and security is still an issue, check into renting an inexpensive post office box (check the Yellow Pages). You don’t have to be an artist to create something homemade and special. A personalized greeting card would be really appreciated, and show your date that you cared enough to spend the time to make something truly unique. You can also consult your favorite search engine for digital greeting cards to send online. They range from free to very inexpensive, and can be sent in a click.
If you’re up for a little risk, try writing a poem or a short story. You’d be amazed at how impressed people are, with even a modest writing talent.
So get online and get active! No need to risk meeting in person until you get more familiar with each other. So take the plunge! Make a cyber-date.
http://valianthearts.com
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
Like any other person to person relationship, an online romance needs a little nurturing to assure that it will grow over time. Here are a few tips to help make sure you’re not short-changing your online partner.
1. Take time to make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If you’re finding this hard to do, it might mean that it’s time to move on.
2. Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is pushing too hard for a face to face meeting, for instance, that can make the other nervous. So don’t rush. Take the time to learn more about each other, develop trust, and that first face-to-face will be more fun and relaxed for you both.
3. Respect each other’s privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos with others, if your online date sent you the information in confidence. Always ask first.
4. Share special online and offline fun activities. Online, send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos, download music and video clips, and post on favorite forums of interest. Offline, if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, and maybe small gifts that are specific to your area, like a souvenir from a well-know local attraction.
Nurture your online relationship. Tend it with care, and over time it will develop and grow. Then, who knows?
http://valianthearts.com
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
by WiseWoman
Real or make-believe?…….that is the question. Can we find a way to determine if the person we are falling for online is REAL??
This is one question that comes to mind a lot in online connections, be it emails or instant messages, and is peculiar to ONLY online communications. This cannot occur in any other venue except maybe writing letters back and forth to someone you have never met, such as pen pals, women who write to incarcerated men, etc.
Since we cannot see the person’s reactions to what we say, nor can we be distracted by a million other forms of sensory input that happen in person-to-person interaction, ONLINE communication becomes something nebulous falling somewhere between REAL and FANTASY in our mind.
We are real people talking to each other, but our mind has to find a place of security that is alien to its natural process. If one has spent a lot of time online interacting with others, one develops a place of security in one’s mind where by we can launch a scenario that is optimum for each particular person/case involved.
For instance, if we are talking to someone who fits the criteria that we have set for us to be able to explore a possible meeting, we have imposed a certain chain of events that will certainly take us to that end.
Systematically, we ask certain questions, interpret the answers, which lead to more questions, which lead to more answers that finally give us the specific information we need to make an educated guess as to the risk factor involved in actually meeting this person face to face.
After assessing all the things we have to assess, after eliminating a series of reasons why to meet or not meet this person, we ultimately whittle it down to whatever action we want to take. On one hand, with online dating, before we meet face to face, we have a hell of a lot MORE information than we would have if we just met on the street. Assuming they have told the truth, we usually know their age, where they live, what they like sexually, and a lot of other personal things we’ve demanded they answer before we determine a quasi match.
But on the other hand, we have a whole lot LESS information than we would have if we had met this person in real time (seeing how they dress, carry themselves, relate to the world around them, how friendly they really are etc). So, within this nebulous space we now have to create a whole new set of rules for ourselves. We have to come up with extra sensory perception that will guide us in our decision-making so that we can find the lowest risk factor possible for making the best assessment for success. Not only do we have to decide if this person is compatible, but we have to give ourselves the OK to bite the bullet and go for it. The more we meet people this way, the more we learn how our new sensory perception has to develop. Each time we meet someone, we get the opportunity to develop our skill.
Once we have this person in our face, the brain has to switch from that nebulous place between REAL and FANTASY to REAL time. Now we fall back on what has always been familiar to us and that is CHEMISTRY. Chemistry has a way of overriding much of the aforementioned data. New sensory input invades the senses and qualifies or disqualifies all previous information. This is the point where we go from the nebulous zone to a comfort zone.
At least we can trust chemistry. It’s almost an absolute for us. Chemistry is cut and dry. There is no question. We are in our comfort zone and know exactly if this person is energetically in tune with us or not. But, what if the guy has a nervous twitch or looks at every woman’s ass that walks by, or what if the woman has an obnoxious high-pitched laugh? That nebulous zone never factored these types of things in to the quotient.
The solution to this is to have a web cam. You can see how the person responds to your words, see their facial movements, see their body, how they look when you make them smile, hell you can even see their pets, kids, and whatever else they care to show you.
You can’t, however, see how they react to the world around them, or know how friendly they are to senior citizens, or whether or not they have money in the bank, but if you are wondering if you are at least physically attracted to this person, the cam will show you a heck of a lot.
I think we create in our nebulous zone, how we want the person to be. When the other person doesn’t meet that expectation, we tend to then say, “they weren’t for REAL.” I am thinking that we create this person, as we want to see them to make it OK in our mind to meet them.
But when they aren’t THAT way really, aren’t WE ourselves to blame for making up this super being?? How many times have you said, “This is absolutely CRAZY!!?? I think I am madly in love and we haven’t even met!!” What we are “in love” with is the IDEA of this person being everything we have made them out to be which is of course, our perfect mate!!!
Is saying the person really wasn’t as they alluded to be, perhaps a “self imposed” mistake or lack of awareness? Could it be that we are eluding ourselves? If we can realize that we have done all we can in a limited venue to find someone who for all intents and purposes matches our criteria for romance, BUT that the hold out is the actual face-to-face meeting as the be all and end all of ascertaining REAL attraction, I think there would be a whole lot less disappointment, and a lot more success stories.
Expectations are SELF IMPOSED and we ourselves need to be accountable for this. If the other person does NOT meet our expectations, it might just be that we built up a persona to suit our fantasy, and perhaps WE indeed, haven’t been realistic.
The other thing that we run into a lot, unfortunately, are the liars and deceivers who get their rocks off by hurting others or just seeing how well they can bullshit their way into getting a date.
That is where experience at meeting comes in handy. There are a lot of ways to detect these people because they forget from one day to the next what lies they told and stories aren’t consistent.
I avoid these like the plague but even an experienced bullshit detector like myself can still be fooled on occasion. BUT, I still prefer this venue for meeting potential dates over all others and have learned that the bottom line is to keep a very open mind, realizing that I am probably grandiosizing a wee bit because I so earnestly want to meet people with whom I can relate to and be myself with and I truly believe that with the masses at my fingertips, I have much higher odds of being successful.
There is a magical dynamic that happens online that is not found in any other venue and I sincerely believe it CAN be translated into real time, with caution, awareness, and the ability to make the smooth transition from that nebulous zone to REAL time, and allow yourself the grace to let chemistry and face-to-face attraction be the deciding factor. Limit your fantasies and know that they are the fuel, but they are not the REAL fire!!!
© 2008 Tami Fox.
14
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 14th, 2008
The following article was written specifically about chatting at SexyAds, but you may also find it helpful at other sites if you’re a novice at chat room etiquette. – Dave
Hi –
I’m Pixie, and you will find me in chat at some stage on most days – I’m a chat-a-holic!
As a long time chatter at SexyAds, I have often been asked questions by new members on how to use the Java (Browser based) chat. So I’ve decided it is time to put it all here for you. Not that I mind answering questions in chat, but if you have the information first, your chat time will be less frustrating and you can get right down to the business of meeting that special person and having fun.
So let’s go….
Q. Can you whisper/IM/pc/pm in here?
A. Yes, you can have a private chat (one on one). To do so, just double click on the name you wish to chat with from the chatters list on the right hand side of the screen. There is no rule in SexyAds that you must ask permission first, but it’s best to do so as some of the ladies just won’t answer unless you do. Keeps you in the good books right from the start!
Q. Are there any other rooms here?
A. Yes there are. You can either type in /list or simply click the “rooms” button up the top of your screen, then double click on the room you want to go to. Alternatively, if you know the name of the room you want, put in /join #bedroom (or what ever the room name is).
Q. How do I look up profiles while in chat?
A. At the top of your screen there is a button marked “embed”. This shows that your chat window is “floating” i.e. detached from your main browser window, so you are free to do what ever you want on the windows behind the chat window without losing the chat screen. Immediately behind your chat window is the initial chat window – a predominately white screen with SexyAds in red at the top – just minimize that window and hey presto, behind that there is the window where you first came into chat. On the left hand side there is a blue menu. From that menu select “Find” and put in the nick of the profile you want to look up. When you want to return to chat, just click on the room name from your task bar and the chat window will pop up.
Q. Can I be in more than one room at a time?
A. Yes, you can. By clicking on “rooms” and then double clicking on the room you want, you will be opening a second or even third room. You will find a button for each of them will appear on your task bar and by clicking on the one you want you can jump between rooms.
Q. How do I change colors?
A. On the left hand side at the bottom of your screen is the color palette, together with boxes for B (bold), R (reverse), U (underline) and N (normal). A single click on these will give you a variety of colors and types.
Q. I can’t see my private messages in a separate window, they come up only in the main screen. Can everyone see them there? How do I get a separate window?
A. Click on the “session” button at the top and check the box that says “show private message window”.
Hope this helps you to feel more confident in chat and if you have any further questions, there is always a regular member in there who will help you.
Have fun!
Pixie
Pixie is a registered member of SexyAds. This article is reprinted here with their permission.
3
Apr
Written by Tejas on April 3rd, 2008
When dating online, safety precautions should be at the top of your list of considerations. Online dating can be fun, and can eventually lead to good friendships, love, and (dare we say it) even marriage. But don’t neglect safety and common sense when you’re trying to hook up with a mate. At a minimum, consider taking some, or all, of the following precautions.
Safeguard Your Computer
Take care of your computer equipment and software systems before heading out into the internet jungle. While not necessarily the first thing you think of when looking for a new relationship, you should take steps to protect your computer from unwanted, and potentially damaging, intrusion. You should have a decent firewall, as well as anti-virus protection for email, and for safety while searching websites and interacting online.
At the bare minimum, you should install free antivirus protection, if you don’t already have it, as well as free, or inexpensive, firewall software. These can be downloaded online, and installed with a minimum of hassle. The two noted below are highly regarded, and both offer absolutely FREE versions of their security software for download.
Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm.com
Free Anti-Virus Download: FreeGrisoft.com
Safeguard Yourself
Take care of yourself, too, by joining appropriate dating sites. Seek and choose a reputable online dating service. How? Begin by asking friends, neighbors, and co-workers who may have tried online dating, and ask if they have recommendations. In addition, read our reviews online here at ValiantHearts and note what each service offers. See which ones peak your interest. Then compare them carefully. Most offer free trial memberships. Sign up for at least two or three. Try only those places where you feel safe. Avoid the others.
From a safety standpoint, meeting someone online should be no different than meeting someone in a mall, or on the street. You probably wouldn’t give a stranger at the mall your last name, or real email address, or phone number, so don’t let that guard down just because you feel anonymous online. You’re only anonymous if you keep it that way.
Use a free anonymous email service that provides forwarding. This way you can keep your home and work email addresses private. Google, Hotmail, and Yahoo! all provide free, safe alternatives to using your regular email address, and many of the dating and personals services listed here at ValiantHearts include an anonymous email account as a benefit of membership.
Also, choose a chat room nickname that is gender-neutral. Otherwise, you might feel more like you’re swatting flies at a picnic than trying to meet potential new friends.
Back away if you feel uncomfortable. Don’t continue to communicate with anyone who seems too pushy; who wants too much personal information too soon, or is hot to meet face to face before you’re ready.
And finally, when you are ready for a meet, seriously consider a background check first. Get enough personal information to allow you to confirm that your online friend is really who they say they are. If you can’t verify that your potential date really IS an airline pilot, like you were told, then trust your gut and move on. There are plenty of other airline pilots in the sky.
If you take care, arm your computer and yourself with the correct tools and knowledge, and use common sense and good judgment, your online dating experience will be fun AND safe!
Services to Consider
Intelius.com – Perform an instant background check on anyone, anywhere. Have the peace of mind of knowing that your potential date is exactly the person they claim to be.
CHECK HIM OUT! The American Woman’s Guide To Background Investigations. A comprehensive “how to” guide in downloadable eBook form, priced at a very modest $12.95
